Homework 14 – You Can Only See What You See Inside

I Hate You – Learning How to Love

Today I am going to talk about how to clear out negative thoughts. Have you realized that there are certain people that you just hate? You feel that they stand for everything that you despise. And why is that? I actually read this book: “Zero Limits”. In the book, the author said, you can only see things in others for the things that you see in yourself. What does that mean? Everyone is simply a projection of you. You feel certain ways towards others because that’s how you associate yourself with.

What is the quickest way to figure out your personality? Pick out 5 people that you hate and 5 people that you love. Then write it down on a piece of paper 2 reasons (why you hate or love) about each individual. Put down these 20 characteristics: 10 things you hate on the left and 10 things you love on the right. Take a closer look at that. What you see is who you are as an individual. Yes, that’s YOU.

What we hate about others are exactly the things that we hate ourselves for. What we love about others is the qualities that we wish to develop for ourselves and we haven’t tried hard enough.

Let me repeat this to sink in with example. For example, I really hate people who are emotional. And when I reflect on this long enough, I realize that it’s because I am very emotional myself. I hate the feeling of not being able to control my feeling. I love people who are free-spirited and spontaneous. I realize that it’s because I wish to be more like them sometimes. I always like to know where I stand and where I am going. This often leads to me becoming very controlling. So it’s just being more aware of who you are as individual.

Another thing is that to me, personality is like a color. For example, being helpful is the color blue. There is nothing great or bad about blue or helping out others. Some people might take that quality as being a doormat, and call him an easy pushover. Some people might call him as a great guy who is willing to help. It doesn’t matter. You see what I am saying. In the end it’s just a piece of his personality. And you are merely putting your opinion on it.

I personally don’t see people as just one single color. If I had to get artsy, I see people as paintings. You can tell a Monet’s work from let’s say Picasso’s. What I care about is the “entire painting itself”. How does this person make me feel as a multi-dimensional individual? Do I like the mixtures of his personality like whether I like the mood/vibe that this painting gives off? Do you see what I mean? In the end, it’s a personal choice. In the end, it’s about finding the right balance in someone.

So when you see someone you like, know why you do. When you meet someone that you disapprove of, take a step back and think about it: maybe you are just seeing things that you don’t like in yourself. There is nothing wrong with that person, so let’s start working on ourselves first. Have a great day everyone and remember to love yourself.

How do you properly evaluate your potential partner?

Goal: Objectively looking at potential candidates for long term fit. People don’t change at least his/her core personality. As a result, you are better off knowing exactly the person he or she is (as of now).

Main Ideas:

• How will he/she be like in long term?
• What kind of person he/she really is?
• How is his/her personality look like?
• What is his/her life story?
• What are his/her values?

Disclaimer: These are what I considered the best practices. It might not work for everyone. This method maybe flawed. People might look at this as unemotional and rational. I believe that this is one of the many ways to figure out what you really want in a partner and it has worked for me.

A comprehensive checklist: to make things easier I will use “he” rather than “he/she”. However, this checklist applies to both men and women.

• Educational Background
• Career Track
• Relationship with his family (especially parents)
• Relationship with his friends (mainly same sex friends)
• Outlook in life (Temperament)
• His core values
• Long term fit (does he support your vision)
• Is he presentable?
• Does he have mentors (older and mature men guiding him)?

Educational Background: What Did He Do to Get to Where He Want to Go?

Where did he go to school? What did he study? The point here is not necessary neither the prestige of the school nor what are potential earning power of the area he chooses to study. It is more of figuring out his values. 

Let’s start from the kind of school he went to. For instance, he went to Ivy League. How did he get there? Did his parents pay for everything? Or is he the kind of kid who came from a poor/disadvantaged family and worked entire high school to pay for it himself? Did he study hard and did enough extracurricular activities to earn scholarships to get into school? And when he did do other things than study, what kind of extracurricular activities did he do? Is he a big community service person? Does he give back to his society? These are all the clues that reflect greatly on a person. I am more impressed with people who came from disadvantaged background, knowing what he wants and fighting his entire life to get to where he wants, over someone who got everything done for him without him really putting an effort.

Next, what did he study in college? It doesn’t matter whether it is Finance, Medicine, or Sociology, or even English? What matters the most to me is, is he passionate about that? Does he do it just for the money? Or does he see how his study will contribute society in a whole? Is he really passionate about what he is studying? Does he really believe that his study will change the world? These are things that I am impressed with.

Career Track: Without Passion You Can’t Go Anywhere

In this aspect, the main idea is to look for whether he is doing what he loves and how is he planning to achieve what he wants in life. I have seen a lot of guys complaining about their jobs and they are doing it for the money. Usually these guys get burn off pretty fast. Because they are doing something that they are not passionate about. This is also because it doesn’t reflect their values and inspirations in life.

A lot of CEO, Partners, MD that I have met, they are excited about what they do every day. You can see the passion in their eyes. They would do what they are doing even without getting paid. And it is this kind of passion that will pull you through hard times, long hours, and setbacks in life. Without that passion, it is very hard to become successful in any career. You are not always going to get what you want. People are going to doubt you and you are going meet a lot of failure and setback in life. But the people, who are successful in their career, are those who are optimistic and persistent.

Relationship with his family: You are going to be a part of his family in the future

If you wanted to know how he will treat you in long term, just observe the kind of relationship he has with his parents. This tells a lot about a guy. I have a lot of respect for people who love their family especially their parents. These are people who gave birth to you and at least raised you. I am sure some people had broken families or are not in good term with their parents. But the point is that we cannot control the cards we have been dealt in life but we can definitely react positively to create the outcome that we want in our lives.

The moral of the story is that if someone can’t even maintain a good relationship with his family, who has given him a lot in life, how can you really trust that he will treat you well (in the long run)? How can you be so sure that he won’t change his feelings for you? I have respect for guys who love his parents and family, and doing everything he can to create a better future “together” with them.

Relationship with his friends (mainly same sex friends): “Birds of a feather flock together”

I see a lot of my female friends overlook this area. They usually go after guys who have a lot of female friends because they want to snatch him away from other women. In the end, they realize that he is not really a good boyfriend material.

The reason that this is very important is similar to the point that I made before about family. Same sex friends don’t provide you the same incentives as being nice to opposite sex. With opposite sex, you can never be sure that whether he is doing things to get sex. Even if he said, we are just friends; you know that men want more than “just being friends”. But with same sex friends, there is no sexual tension (assuming that he is straight). With sex out of the way, you can really see a guy’s true colors.

Does he treat them well? What do they say about him behind his back? Are they reliable? These things tell you a lot about the guy that you are dating. I see a lot of guys calling someone as “their bros” and then badmouthing them behind. These are not men, they are boys. A man has the balls to say what he wants in front of others. Stay away from those guys if you can.

If you hear great things about a guy from his friends even when he is not around, you know that he is a catch. Most importantly, observe the kind of friends that he has. Are they full of lives and know what they want? Are they the kind of people that you like? There is a reason why people say “birds of a feather flock together”. Little clues like this will save you a lot of heart breaks in the future.

Outlook in life (Temperament): Two Things: Optimism and Persistence

You might be attracted to his emo personality in the beginning. You might enjoy the fact that he is a bad boy and you wanted to change him. In the end of the day, you will realize that he will never change. There are a few things about outlook in life that cannot be replaced. They are being optimistic and persistent. There are always going to be challenges in life. But positive people always get ahead because they are willing to fail. They are willing to take the hit and move on. And the next thing is being persistent. There is no substitute for that to become successful in life.

His core values: Two main things: Honesty and Loyalty.

Core values are like a person’s personality DNA. They affect judgments. People are defined by what they believe in. It’s like a map of your life. Without a proper map, you won’t be able to go where you want to go. Core values are like a compass guiding you in darkness of your life. Without that you can’t really go very far in life. So observe his values in life. Most importantly, see whether they match with your’s. His personality and core values are more important than everything else you know about him.

Long term fit (does he support your vision): Can you go on the life journey together with him

Some men are never met to settle down. Some men never grow up. You are just going to be wasting your time with them. You need to see whether he wants the same thing in life with you. Whether he wants to have a family? Where he wants to live? How he wants to start a family? What are things that are important to him? Does he like to enjoy life in the present? Or does he like to plan things for the long term? That’s very important in making a relationship works.

Is he presentable? Would you be comfortable taking him to see your parents or boss?

You know there are kind of guys that you are madly in love with but you know that your friends and family won’t like him at all. I think a great guy should be presentable. He can get goofy and funny with you but he should also be able to present himself well in front of people who are important to you. Or at least he should make an effort to do so. Because this tells you that he loves you enough and knows that making these people like him will make you happy. And that’s the thought that counts.

Does he have mentors (older and mature men guiding him)? No one did everything on their own

It’s important that your guy has mentors. That means that he is constantly seeking to improve his life. They are his teachers who are willing to help him. Having a great mentor also reflects well on him because these are his role models. Honestly, these are the kind of person he aspires to be in the next 10 to 15 years down the road. So know who his mentors are and what kind of person they are. Because you can pretty sure that he is going to turn out like them in the future.

How to be a better man?

What a man cares about in his twenties determine his level of maturity…

[ √ ] 1. Having confidence and sophistication

[ √ ] 2. Developing a great habit of reading and writing

[ √ ] 3. Learning how to live with honesty, kindness and beauty

[ √ ] 4. Making friends with people who are continuously improving themselves

[ √ ] 5. Fixing bad habits and developing great ones

[ √ ] 6. Learning how to have patience and to forgive

[ √ ] 7. Staying positive (mentally) and keeping in shape (physically)

[ √ ] 8. Remembering to smile often and being a gentleman

[ √ ] 9. Going after the woman, the love of your life without any regrets

[ √ ] 10. Doing everything you can to get the kind of career you want

[ √ ] 11. Believing that you can be successful both in personal and professional lives

[ √ ] 12. Doing things better than women

[ √ ] 13. Helping your partner to realize her dreams

[ √ ] 14. Learning to have courage and taking responsibilities

[ √ ] 15. Having faith in yourself and learning never to give up

[ √ ] 1. Having confidence and sophistication

As a young man matures into adulthood, he needs to invest in himself. He needs to learn who he really is by figuring out his values in life. The most important quality for a confident man is having “class”. A confident man can weather any storm that life throws at him. He is courageous. He fears hardship and difficulties in life as everyone does. But he “chooses” to face them courageously. He conquers his own fears. When a man is confident you can literally feel him glowing. Friends and enemies alike can feel his presence. If you wanted people to have confidence in you, you must learn to be confident about yourself first. A man with confidence in himself can overcome any adversity that life throws at him.

A man with class is like an ocean. He never rejects others and willing to take people under his wings. He is long term greedy because he sees that there are more to life than short term benefits. He is generous with his time and kindness. My father uses to tell me that a strong man aspires to be a big tree to weather the storm for the smaller and older trees who can’t fence for themselves. A real man uses his power to empower others.

[ √ ] 2. Developing a great habit of reading and writing

When a man is in his twenties, he starts entering into society and learn to deal with others. Learning how to articulate your thoughts elegantly and effectively is the best way to influence others. A knowledgeable man is well-read. A wise man writes a lot. No matter how busy he gets, he always take time to read and write. Because reading and writing is one of the best ways to monitor your own thoughts. When you read, you learn new things. When you write, you have the chance to reflect your thoughts.

Every great man needs a great book. A good book is like a good friend. He can help you to reach your goals. Through reading great works, you learn to organize your thoughts better. I remember Socrates once said, “Employ your time in improving yourself by other men’s writings, so that you shall gain easily what others have labored hard for.” Everything you want in life, someone probably has already dealt with it before. So try to read about their stories and how they deal with their challenges in life, you will find their experience priceless.

Nothing is sexier than a man who is passionate in life. Being passionate is a lifestyle choice. It’s also action oriented. It says that “I am doing something about it.” Then adds on being persistence. A man who is passionately and persistently going after what he loves is truly a man I aspire to be. When a man constantly face challenges in his life daily and keep on working on them, he grows up. He becomes mature. He becomes a grown responsible man.

[ √ ] 3. Learning how to live with honesty, kindness and beauty

When a man is in his twenties, he needs to learn how to face with reality. He needs to live life honestly. It means that he can live with himself and his actions. He doesn’t lie to himself nor lie to others. “Honestly” meant honestly making a living. Honestly putting your nose down the grindstone and keep working for what you want.

Kindness means treating other with respect. And it always means taking care of yourself. Sometimes a little kindness can go a long way. Philosophically speaking, “life is not without beauty, we only need to train ourselves to see the beauty in it.” Life is the same way. Don’t focus on the negatives. You will attract more negatives things in your life. You think life is “unfair” because you can’t face life with positivity. Life is full of hope. When you look up in the sky, you will see the sun gently radiant its warm rays upon you. When you see life in a positive way, you will feel great from deep within.

[ √ ] 4. Making friends with people who are continuously improving themselves

When you are in your twenties, you finally have choices over the kind of people who want to be friends with. In our society, relationship is very important. And your circle of friends can have great impact on your life. A real man needs to have a lot of friends. Most important they have to be friends who want better things for you in life. I remember a famous quote that said,

“Be Selective: I just do not hang around anybody that I don’t want to be with. Period. For me, that’s been a blessing, and I can stay positive. I hang around people who are happy, who are growing, who want to learn, who don’t mind saying sorry or thank you… and [are] having a fun time.” ~ John Assaraf

Because making smart decisions on who you want to be friends with will change your life. My best friend used to tell me “you are average of five people you hang out with the most”. So spend time finding the right people in your life.

“Everyday people shape and influence your life. Find the right people and you’ll be a better person for it. Note: In most case you won’t have to look very hard.” ~ #40, The Rule of A Gentleman

But in order to make great friends, you need to first learn to give. You need to be sincerely got to know them. You need to give them your time, your true friendship and your sincerity. Because people who are really successful and who are really happy inside and out, can see through you very easily. If you were just using them, they will realize it soon enough. But if you truly want to know them and be their good friends, it will pay great dividends later in life. When you really need help, you will find many helping hands. When you are in a battle, you will find many great friends rush to your rescues. These things take time. Most importantly you need to learn to be a good friend to them in the first place.

[ √ ] 5. Fixing bad habits and developing great ones

As you grow up, you need to learn to fix your bad habits. Bad habits are well bad habits. They can be changed. If you have still have bad habits in your late twenties, it will deter your growth. You will miss a lot of great opportunities in life because of them. A few of the great habits I can think of is “being on time” and “keeping your words”. I really value that and it’s one of the yardsticks that I use in making friends.

If you still haven’t learned to rise early, you will never feel the sun warmth in the morning. If you still have not learn to execute your plans effectively and keep dragging on them, you will never get things done. If you were not motivated to learn new things in life, your future will be a very dark one, my friend. I believe that everyone want their lives to be better and to get better in life. To do so, you must constantly evolving.

[ √ ] 6. Learning how to have patience, and to forgive and forget

There are a lot of things that you can’t deal with in life. But you must learn to be patient. You need to learn how to forgive people. I remember Randy Paush (from the book, “Last Lecture”) said, “you wait long enough…. people will surprise and impress you. If you are pissed off at someone,” he said, “you haven’t waited long enough.”

Really successful men are really long term greedy. They are willing to take the hit. They are willing delay short term gratifications because they know that by doing so, they can achieve far greater things in life. They don’t whine or complain. They are only focus on their goals.

You need to forgive and forget not for the other peron who hurt you but for yourself. There is no point of holding such anger towards another person. It will poison your soul. You will get stuck at a point in your personal development. You will not be able to move forwards. In order to evolve further, you need to learn how to let things go. Someone hurted you, do what you needs to protect yourself and move on. Remember, you are doing this for yourself.

[ √ ] 7. Staying positive (mentally) and keeping in shape (physically)

As you grow older, you really need to take care your health. Your body is like a car engine. If you don’t take care of it, eventually things will start breaking down. And your mind is like the gasoline that fuels the engine. You need to put in quality gasoline (positive thoughts) for your engine (your body) to run effectively.

You can get up in the morning and try running every day. It won’t take much of your time. In fact if you were to exercise an hour a day, that’s only 4.16% less than 5% of your time. Would it be worth it to put in an 1 hour a day to really take care of yourself so that you can live longer? Of course it is.

Mentally, you can afford to lose battles in life. But you can’t lose “the drive and the will” to succeed and try. You only truly reject yourself when you give up on yourself. Once you can master your mind, you will be invincible.

[ √ ] 8. Remembering to smile often and being a gentleman

Remember to smile. It shows that you are a positive person. Remember to really smile from deep within. A great smile signals others that you want to get to know them. Don’t look sad and feel like it’s the end of the world all the time. It will only alienate you from other people. People judge you by the smile you put over your face.

People say that the devil is in the details. People usually only take a few minutes to get to know you and how you present yourself matters a lot. You might have missed the opportunities to meet a great mentor, make a great friend, or find the love of your life, just because… yes, because you don’t have a smile over your face. So smile often. :)

[ √ ] 9. Going after the woman, the love of your life without any regrets

It’s human nature to be loved. We all aspire to have someone who accepts us 100%. When a man truly falls in love, he is the most adorable being. When a girl doesn’t know that you are in love with her, take the appropriate time to express your love. You got to at least try. Whether she accepts or rejects you, that’s all depend on how hard you try and whether you guys are destined to be together. You need to understand that every woman wants to be with a man who truly loves her.

A real man understands that love cannot be forced. He needs to know that if she can’t be his partner, he still needs to make sure he doesn’t lose her as a friend, because still maintaining a healthy relationship with someone you love is a wonderful thing. Love is holy because it cannot be forced. Because people have a choice on whom they want to be with. It’s a matter of principle. You have to accept, honor and respect her decision. But if you really tried hard to go after what you want, you will not have any regrets in your life.

[ √ ] 10. Doing everything you can to get the kind of career you want

A real man must been career oriented. His career doesn’t need to impressive or grand. But it must have results. It must be something that he can pride himself of, “I did this on my own. I did my best for this.” A career oriented man, is also a man who wants to win, and also a responsible man. An ambitious man doesn’t want to be conventional. A responsible man, never afraid of hardship. He prides himself on things that he builds with his own hands and that’s make people respect him for what he is made of.

In order to gain something, you must give up something. If you wanted to be successful, you must labor industriously. If you are hesitant to give up something, you are just going to lose more down the road. And you might end up with nothing. I remember reading a quote that said, ‎”People cannot gain anything without sacrificing something. You must present something of equal value in order to gain something. That is the principle of equivalent exchange in alchemy.” ~ Edward Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist

[ √ ] 11. Believing that you can be successful both in personal and professional lives

A great man is a great manager. He will be able to balance his personal and professional lives. People always say that you can’t have both things in life. In order to do well in career, you must give up your personal life and vice versa. But the most successful people I have met are really well-rounded individuals.

Most of my mentors are Partners, CEOs and Managing Directors at major corporations. They are happily married and have a wonderful family. They make things work because they communicate well with their family about the importance of their work in building the family. In the meantime, they work smarter to make time for their families. And I really aspire to be just like them. I really believe that a happy husband makes the most productive worker.

[ √ ] 12. Doing things better than women

If you were a real man, you need to do things better than women. This is not to say that women are weaker than men. It is to say that women are outshining men because they work harder. If a man were to work as hard as a woman, he can definitely do better. In today’s society, women have begun to have higher socioeconomic status and they finally have a choice on who they want to be with.

So if you were a man and you can’t do better than her, why would you she picks you? So as a man, we got to try harder. A friend of mine (Irene) told me that, “I want my man to be like my back-rock. I want him to be strong and reliable so that I can count/rely on him. I need him to be physically strong and emotionally mature.” That sticks with me.

[ √ ] 13. Helping your partner to realize her dreams

As a grown man and if you were married, you also have responsibility to help your partner to realize her dreams. Because that’s what a real man does. Someone said, “A man needs to take over the world to conquer a woman. And a woman need to conquer a man to take over the world.” That being said, for a woman whom you have sworn to protect, its only logical for you to help her realize her dreams.

You can’t let her forget about who she wants to be or where she needs to be just because she decides to be with you. You can’t let her make you the top priority in her life that she forgets about herself. Behind every great man, there is a great woman. Similarly, a great women is the core of a man well being. Whether a woman feels happy in her marriage really depends on whether a man cares about her. And a really caring and understanding husband knows what his wife’s dreams are. Most importantly, he actively help her to realize her dreams. That’s makes him a great husband that I aspire to be.

[ √ ] 14. Learning to have courage and taking responsibilities

As you grow older, you need to take responsibilities. You need to learn to put the weight of the world over your shoulder. Yes you must first learn to take care of yourself. Then taking care of your parents is your job. Loving and caring for your wife and children is your responsibility. Building a successful career is also a man’s job. So a man’s job is not just about taking care of his family and building his career but learning to deal with the weight of his responsibility. That’s because a real man have the courage to shoulder the responsibilities. And there is nothing to complain about because that’s what being a man is really about.

A man can cry but he doesn’t have the rights to grief loudly. A man have the rights to shed tears, but he doesn’t have the rights to do that in front of his parents, his wife and loved ones because if he falls down and breaks down, who else can they rely on? A man has the rights to give up, but he doesn’t have the rights to give up on his family and his career. As a real man, you have no choices but to shoulder your responsibilities.

[ √ ] 15. Having faith in yourself and learning never to give up

As you grow older, you have to learn to have faith in yourself. Because you allow people to reject you when you reject yourself first. If you never give up on yourself, people will not give up on you. You have to believe with everything you have that you are a man who can raise against all odds and adversities. If you don’t even believe in yourself, you have already lost the war.

So believe in yourself. You are unique and great. You can do anything you want in your life, if and only you put your heart and mind to you. Most importantly, never give up. When a door closes, another one will open. You just have to keep moving.

Source: translated and edited from a news article.

In Chinese: http://tenkucity.com/thread-7670-1-1.html

For Chinese Readers, The Original Article.

一、擁有自信和風度

男人到了二十幾歲後，就要開始學著用心去經營自己了，它體現在自己的思想與涵養上。自信是一個男人最重要的品質，自信的男人就你像一隻在暴風雨中戰鬥的海鷗。海鷗所要說的只有一句話“讓暴風雨來的再猛烈些吧”，只因為它無所畏懼。一個自信的男人，總是能夠感染別人，無論這些人是朋友還是敵人。要使別人對你有信心，就必須要先對自己充滿信心。自信的男人可以戰勝一切困難。

一個有風度的男人就像一片大海，不拒點滴，又包容江河。有風度使男人得到更多的青睞，不爭眼前才能夠放眼世界，給予別人才能夠受益無窮。正所謂“宰相肚裡能撐船”，一個心如大海的男人，肚中不知能撐多少船呀！風度偏偏讓男人看上去瀟灑萬千。

二、養成看書和寫作的習慣

男人到了二十幾歲後，就開始要走入社會了，在與別人交往的過程中，談吐與修養是最能征服別人的。一個有知識的男人一定是常看書的，一個有智慧的男人一定是常寫作的。無論自己多忙，都要抽出時間來看看書，寫寫文章。因為這樣做能夠改變一個男人的思想與行為。一個男人要改變自己思想首先要做的就是讀一本好書，讀一本書就像交了一個好朋友，他能夠幫助你走好自己的路。讀書的生活是最豐富多彩的，寫作的時光是最能啟迪智慧的。
喜歡看書和寫作的男人，一定能夠培養出一個好的心態。因為知識與智慧的海洋是無邊無際的，但喜歡看書和寫作的男人卻能做到執著追求。追求是一個男人的思想，也是一個男人的行動，永不放棄地追求，無時不刻的在激勵的男人去戰鬥。在這種戰鬥中，使一個男人能夠經歷風雨的洗禮，成長為一棵參天大樹。讀書使男人變得的冷靜，寫作使男人變得成熟。

三、要試著發現生活裡的真、善、美

男人到了二十幾歲後，就要學會如何去面對生活。什麼是“真”，現在的男人越來越不懂，那是因為現在的男人都很浮躁，他們不懂什麼才是“真心”地去生活。
“真”，就是對自己實事求是，不要騙自己，也不要騙別人。“真”，就是誠實做人，誠實做事，誠實的男人最可愛。“善”，自然是善良的意思了。善待別人，就是在善待自己的生活。“善”其實就在我們每一個人的身邊，不要為難別人，不要挖苦別人，不要侮辱別人，就是善良的行為。有時你的一點點善意就能結出一個善果，使你的生活因此而變得幸福。
哲人說，“生活中本不缺少美，缺少的是發現美的眼睛”。是的，生活也的確是如此。不要總在惦記著自己的不幸，這樣做只能使你生活的更加不幸。你覺得“不幸”是因為你無法樂觀的面對生活，生活總是充滿著希望的。只要你常常抬抬頭，看看陽光，你就能感受到溫暖。在溫暖中樂觀地去追美好的人生，你自然能夠發現美。

四、與有思想的人交朋友

男人到了二十幾歲後，就要開始有目的性的去選擇朋友了。社會中的人脈關係是非常重要的，你的朋友圈子將對你的人生起著很大的影響。男人要廣交朋友，多交諍友，不交損友。所謂諍友就是那些對你有幫助的朋友，而這些人往往自身也很優秀。多交諍友對一個人的生活、工作都是非常有益的。但真正的諍友也不易結交，因為這種朋友需要你付出極大的真誠，發自內心的真誠。

有思想的朋友，他很清楚你有沒有把他當作朋友。如果你只是在利用他，他在心中是不會把你當作朋友來看待的。交朋友有時並沒有什麼目的性，你只是覺得這個人很有思想，值得你與之相交。但往往就是這些有思想的朋友，在你最困難的時候向你伸出他的手。朋友，是一個男人生命中最重要的元素的之一。一個男人要想使自己像一人真正的男人那樣活著，就一定要廣交朋友，多交諍友。

五、必須改掉自身的不良習慣

男人到了二十幾歲後，就必須要改掉自身的不良習慣。不良的習慣是養成的，良好的習慣也是養成。培養自己擁有良好的習慣，就是在改掉自身的不良習慣。如果一個男人到了二十幾歲後，身上還有這樣那樣的不良習慣，那就是一件非常糟糕的事情了。這些不良的習慣會阻礙你人生的發展，生活會因此而失去不少光彩，事業也會因此難以取得更大的成功。

如果你到現在還愛睡懶覺，那麼清晨的第一抹陽光永遠也不會照到你的笑臉上。如果你到現在還總是拖拖拉拉的，那麼你將永遠也無法站在冠軍的位置上。如果你到現在還不會主動的去學習和工作，那麼你的前途只能是一片暗淡無光的灰色。我相信沒有哪一個男人想要灰色的人生，所有的男人都期望自己能有一個絢麗多彩的人生。所以為了使自己的人生絢麗多彩，男人到了二十幾歲後，就必須要改掉自身的不良習慣。

六、學會忍耐與寬容
男人到了二十幾歲後，就要學會忍耐與寬容。在社會中常有許多你無法接受的事情，但這些事情你又不得不接受時，這就需要你的忍耐。忍耐別人其實也是在寬容別人，一個能夠寬容別人的男人會顯得很大度。成功的男人往往也是一個能夠忍辱負重的男人。耐得住寂寞的男人從不甘寂寞，男人的忍耐是為了更好的爆發。

對那些說我們是傻瓜的人，說一句“我就是傻瓜”，使他們不知所措吧！對於那些無故指責我們的人，不要與他們爭論，因為這樣只會使自己變的憤怒。與其去傷害別人，不如去寬容別人，寬容是治療他人傷口最好的靈丹聖藥。

七、保持良好的心態，重視自己的身體

男人到了二十幾歲後，就要學會調節自己的心態，重視自己的身體。身體是革命的本錢，心態是驗鈔機。男人要想獲取更多的財富就要擁有一副強健的體魄，男人要想長久的做首富就要擁有一種積極樂觀的心態。注意飲食，經常鍛練，充足的睡眼，是健康身體的保證。不要患得患失，勤奮拼搏，讓心態決定一切。
你可以不用天天去晨跑，其實那也不會佔用你多長的時間，需要的只是恒心和毅力。但你一定要時常去運動一下你的身體，散步是一種不錯的選擇，這樣做會使你充滿力量。你在冬天可以不用冷水洗澡，其實那也沒有什麼大不了的，因為我也曾堅持過一個冬天。但你在冬天一定要經常用冷水洗洗臉，這樣做不僅可以防止感冒，還能保持一個清醒的頭腦。你可以失敗，但你永遠要保持一種求勝的心態，戰勝自己你就沒有敵人。

八、時刻保持你的微笑，讓禮貌成為你的名片

男人到了二十幾歲後，要時刻保持你的微笑。笑臉迎人，說明你是一個善良的人，所有的人都願意與善良的人打交道。不要把苦悶寫在你的臉上，這樣只會使別人遠離你。你是什麼樣的人，別人通過你是否微笑著與他打招呼來判斷。而這種判斷對你在人家心中的印象起著很重要的作用。
人們常說“細節決定成敗”，而這細節往往就反應在你是不是一個有禮貌的人。有禮貌的人，知道關心別人。別人也會因為你的禮貌與關心，而給你走向成功的機會。男人的名片是微笑與禮貌，它是男人成就事業的通行證。

九、追求一個自己真正愛的女人，你一輩子也不會後悔

男人到了二十幾歲後，慢慢地就會極渴望愛情。這是非常正常的事情，千萬不壓抑自己這種發自內心的情感。一個男人最傻最可愛的時候就是當他愛上了一個女人的時候。當你愛上一個女人卻不知道她會不會愛上你的時候，你一定要選擇一個恰當的時間向他表白。至於他是選擇接受還選擇拒絕那就要看你們之間的緣份和你的努力了。男人一定要明白，女人最渴望的一定是一個深愛著她的男人。

愛情這種事不能強求，男人一定要明白。千萬不要因為得不到你的愛情就讓你的友情輕易的失去，能與一個自己曾經愛過的女人成為朋友是一件不可多得的好事。愛情之所以神聖不可侵犯，是因為它是人最心甘情願的選擇，它體現的人與人之間的尊重與信任。所以男人一定要尊重你愛著的那個女人的選擇，相信她的選擇是為了她自己的幸福而做出的決定。只要你曾經追求一個自己真正愛的女人，那麼你一輩子也不會後悔。

十、為了自己的事業付出一切

男人到了二十幾歲後，一定要為了自己的事業去努力拼搏。男人最重要的就是事業，沒有事業的男人不能算作真正的男人。男人的事業不定要轟轟烈烈，但一定要有所成就，能使自己感到驕傲和自豪。一個事業心強的男人，也是一個求勝心與責任心同樣強的男人。求勝心強的男人，從不甘平庸。責任心強的男人，從不懼困難。男人因自己成功的事業而變得高大，從而獲得別人的尊重和信任。作為一個男人，就要為了自己的事業付出一切。要想成功你必須付出，而付出就意味你要失去一些東西。如果你不想為事業付出任何代價，那麼你只能失去更多的東西，而且最後還一無所獲。

十一、愛情跟事業是可以共同擁有的
男人到了二十幾歲後，就應該努力做到愛情跟事業的雙豐收。人們常說一個男人如果選擇了愛情就會失去事業，如果選擇了事業就得不到愛情。我卻偏偏不這樣認為，我反而覺得愛情越甜蜜的男人，事業越成功。其實愛情和事業本就是兩回事，愛得轟轟烈烈的男人，一點也不會妨礙其獲得成功的事業。一個有愛情滋潤的男人一定比一個不知愛情是什麼味道的男人更成熟，更有魅力，更有幹一番事業的決心。二十幾歲的男人們，千萬不要相信那些偏激的人所說的話。就像人們常說的“婚姻是愛情的墳墓”，這種說法太偏激了。婚姻與愛情的區別只是多了一些“柴米油鹽”，可以說婚姻才是一種完整的愛情，之前的愛情只是處在一種戀愛的階段。也只有通過婚姻才能使男人和女人徹底的認識什麼是愛情。愛情就是相互理解，相互鼓勵，相互支持。在生活上彼此幫助，在事業上彼此幫助，讓愛情跟事業可以雙豐收。

十二、一定要努力比女人做的更好

男人到了二十幾歲後，在任何事上一定要努力比女人做的更好。即使在一些不可能比女人做的更好的事情上，也要努力做的和女人一樣好。在這裡這不是想說男人天生就應該比女人強，而是要說男人天生就應該比女人做的更好。因為只要女人努力了，就很容易超越男人，所以男人應該知道努力比女人做的更好是天經地義的事情。在如今的社會，女人的地位越來越高了，女人第一次有了選擇男人的權力。所以如果作為男人的你，不能比女人做的更好，那麼女人憑什麼選擇你呢？女人們常說“女子能頂半邊天”，而且現在的女人在本屬於男人的某些領域裡比男人做的更出色。所以男人不僅要在屬於自己的領域裡做的非常出色，而且也要能在本屬於女人的領域裡做得一樣的出色。

十三、努力幫自己的妻子實現她的夢想

男人到了二十幾歲後，如果你已經結婚了，那就請你一定要努力幫自己的妻子實現她的夢想。人們學說“男人靠征服世界來征服女人，女人靠征服男人來征服世界”，所以一個已經征服了你的女人，你一定要努力幫她征服世界。女人的夢想從不會因為和一個男人生活在一起了而消失掉，只會因此而變得更加強烈。女人這種強烈的願望和夢想也許不會表現在你的面前，但你的心中一定要明白。

妻子是一個男人生命的核心，妻子生活得是否幸福，男人一定要關心。不要以為妻子取回家，就是來為你服務的。每一個男人的妻子都會關心自己的丈夫，每一個男人也要學會關心自己的妻子。而最關心妻子的事，莫過於關心她的夢想是什麼，怎麼做才能幫妻子實現她的夢想。

十四、學會勇敢一些，去承擔起自己肩上的責任
男人到了二十幾歲後，要學會勇敢一些，挻起自己的肩膀去承擔起屬於自己的那份義不容辭的責任。孝順父母是一個男人責任，疼愛妻兒是一個男人的責任，成就事業也是一個男人的責任。男人的責任不外乎家庭和事業。這些責任的確比較沉重，但作為一個男人你必須挻起自己的肩膀去承擔。沒有什麼原因，只因為你是一個男人。男人一樣有權力哭泣，但卻沒有權力哭出聲音來。男人一樣有權力流淚，但卻沒有權力在父母妻兒面前流淚。男人一樣有權力放棄，但卻沒有權力放棄家庭與事業上的責任。作為一個男人，你別無選擇，你只能選擇承擔，用你的肩膀去承擔。

十五、永遠不要放棄自己，相信自己一定能行
男人到了二十幾歲後，就必須做到永遠不要放棄自己。別人之所以放棄你，那就因為你已經先放棄了自己。相信只要你不放棄自己，沒有哪個人會放棄你或者說沒有哪個人能放棄你。相信自己是一個男人戰勝一切的力量之源，不相信自己的男人沒有成功的理由，因為他的一腳已經跨到了失敗的墳墓中。有一句廣告語，這樣說“相信自己，力量在心中”。還有一句廣告語，這樣說“我能”。是的，我想，我也相信只要每一個男人能夠做到相信自己，你就一定能行!