Dare to Dream

‎”Humility is deep acknowledgment that we got here sometimes by the dint of who our parents are and where we are born. It’s not all about our genius and brains. We could have been in a place torn with wars, troubles with diseases that we cannot handle. Humility is also acknowledging that we are here, thanks to those who were before us. We did not charge the beach of Normandy, do the Humvee in the desert of Iran or fight in the Iraq. Everything we have, we don’t earn it on our own. That should be a very humbling thing for everyone. We all have great power to change the world and we must use it to do just that.”

What do I want in a relationship?

Over the weekend, I had a conversation with a friend over lunch. We updated each other on how things were going in our lives and the people that we came across. Then we continued to talk about how dating in New York City can be pretty tough. We exchanged our ideas on what our ideal relationship would be like? She started mentioned about lifestyles and habits. Then we started talking about the big picture items such as: what would make or break a relationship? She asked me what I want from my partner. I said pretty simple, only three things:

1)      Honesty & Loyalty

2)      Positivity

3)      Persistence

She said that’s a pretty simple list. It is pretty simple. I believe that I need all of these in my partner. Pretty obvious. Pretty simple. And yet I am pretty certain that it’s hard to find someone who can be “consistently” like that.

Honesty & Loyalty: I think they go hand in hand. I don’t think one can exist without the others. Honesty means really being honest with yourself. Honestly making a living. Honestly living life. Honestly understanding who you are. I have rarely met people who are really honest with themselves. A lot of time people are doing things that other people want. In order to know what you truly want you have to ask yourself a few questions:

a)      Am I willing to put the work in?

b)      Why do I want this?

c)      How far would I go to get this?

d)      Am I trying to impress someone?

Loyalty, first means being loyal to yourself. Loyal to yourself means standing by your beliefs. Loyal to your feelings. Loyal to your callings in life. So the first requirement is really asking my partner to be really honest to herself in learning who she is and then loyally following her true callings in life. Then it’s about being loyal to your partner. It means that no matter thick or thin you are willing to stand by him. Remember the marriage vow?

“I, ____, take you, ____, to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life. I, ____, take you, ____, for my lawful (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”

If you read that carefully, you will realize that relationship and marriage is all about really accepting and being loyal to someone through thick and thin. Sounds pretty simple, but it is something really rare to see.

Positivity: To me, being positive doesn’t mean someone who always sees life on the bright side. Being positive requires someone to have faith in believing other than himself. It’s about having faith and really believing that there is something greater than ourselves that we cannot see. It is the faith that things will always get better even when the situation looks extremely bleak. It also means someone who has a long term view in life. Okay what I want right now cannot be done right now, but what can I really do at this point to bring me that much closer to my goal? It is to see the opportunities in every difficulty. It is the ability to recognize the biggest challenges in life are just opportunities for you to excel. I haven’t met many people who can do that. That brings me to the next item on the list: Persistence.

Persistence: I think after having all the qualities I have mentioned above, you don’t have this one, it’s all a waste. I have never really seen someone who gets things done right on the first try. We are just not born that way. A lot of things that are worth achieving really require dedication (i.e. like getting a six pack abs). It requires a lot of time working day in and day out. These things never really pay dividends in the short term. You really need to invest a lot of your time and energy to benefit in the long run. Are you really the kind of person who can give up short term benefits in order to do well in the long run? Would you get easily depressed because things are not going well for you? Even if everyone in the room disagree with you and tell you that you are just wasting your time, will you be able to brush off their comments and keep moving? That’s something that I really admire and I think it’s really hard to find someone like that.

3 Minutes Toastmaster Speech

Hi Good Evening everyone. My name is Summer and tonight I am giving out my first Ice Breaker speech. Before I start my speech, “can I have a raise of hand to see who are originally ‘not’ from New York?” I guess most of us are not from here. I used to tell my friends that New York is like a gorgeous woman that you are seeing, she might mistreat you from time to time but you just can’t get enough of her. At least that’s what I said to the gentlemen. To the ladies, I usually replace woman with wife and marriage. My female friends get the sentimental kick out of it. I just love the city because of this great energy. This vibe. That everyone is here to look for their “calling in life”. I don’t see that anywhere else as much as I see in The City.

My family is from Burma, a small country between Thailand and India. The most influential people from my country that got international recognition is U Thant. Next time you go to UN building, take a note of the statue right before Kofi Annan, his name is U Thant. He is the former Secretary General of UN from 1961-1971. And then there is Aung San Su Kyi, who was a noble price winner in 1991 for her democratic movement. Interestingly her house is right across my home back in Yangon, she is still fighting for our people despite being under house arrest for more than 10 years.

There is this amazing bird called Bower-bird. They make this huge nest, big enough for human to live within. The male bird builds this to attract the female. He would find the rarest sea shells and feathers. Once the female passes by she knew exactly how hard the male has worked. But where this nest comes from? More concisely, where does the idea of it come from? It’s in its mind. Our mind shapes who we are. It defines our reality. The founder of iconic Levi brand wanted to give everyone a nice pair of jean who comes to the California Gold Rush. Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of facebook wanted to give the ability to share college experience with the world. This kind of simple idea defines what kind of man they become. It becomes an obsession and shape who they are.

I want to share a few things which I consider as my core beliefs. Most of these are my personal beliefs and I am sure that most of you might not agree with me.

First is to Embrace Death. In order to live, we must die every day. When you ask people what they want in their lives, they go through a checklist and taking life as a process. They want to know what the right thing to do is. What is the right kind of job to get? My father taught me earlier in life that you should start thinking about life from the end. Death is a communist. He treats everyone fairly. To him, a king and a beggar are equal. He will take them away. We will eventually die and turn into dust. That makes living even more important. My dad told me:

“if you were to die tomorrow, would you have any regrets?”

“How would you be remembered as?  A benefactor? A loving husband? An successful entrepreneur?”

I remembered watching the movie Troy, when Zeus commented on the idea of mortality.

“I envy human because they have limited time. That is the beauty of it. Their life is measured by what they do. And they fight valiantly for what they believe in. We immortal can never do that, because we got too much time.”

I remembered what Teddy Roosevelt once said, it goes something like this:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Accept everything. We are expert at self-deception. We come back home and tell our friends and spouses, how badly we are being treated at work. And they agree with us. It is okay to blame others for awhile but in the end; we must learn to change ourselves. The greatest motivational speaker of all time, Jack Canfield, presented with this simple formula:

(Given) Event + (Decide) Response = (Desired) Outcome

We can only change the outcome of an event through our response. Most of the time people try so hard to change people around them. I find it much easier to change myself to make the best out of the situation. I always believe that the whole world is conspiring me to become successful. I take every challenge that comes into my life as a way to improve myself. I knew that these challenges are opportunities to bring out the best in me as an individual.

Most successful people in the world have constant set back in life. Not business people but people like Nelson Mandela and Abraham Lincoln. A lot of times in life is depends not on how you deal with success but how you deal with failures.

Follow your calling in life. That standard must be set very high. My personal goal in life is to motivate people to be the best that they can be. Remember the story of Alice in the Wonderland. She asked the cat, which road should I take? The cat answer, where do you want to go? Alice replies, I don’t know. The cat then said, then it doesn’t matter which road you take. That’s why I believe that knowing what you want is the most important thing in life. I called that “Personal Calling”.  Nothing is more charming than people who know exactly what they want in their lives.

The last point that I would like to share is humility. Humility is deep acknowledgment that we got here sometimes by the dint of who our parents are and where we are born. It’s not all about our genius and brains. We could have been in a place torn with wars, troubles with diseases that we cannot handle. Humility is also acknowledging that we are here thanks to those who were before us. I once read about the a recipient of Medal of Honor in WWII, he said, “I do not consider this honor as my own, but the efforts of my fallen brothers”

We did not charge the beach of Normandy, Do the Humvee in the desert of Iran or fight in the Iraq. Everything we have, we don’t earn it on our own. That should be a very humbling thing for everyone. We all have great power to change the world and we must use it to do just that.

At last I would like to conclude with that I want to be remembered as someone who bring out the best in every life that he has touched. And made the world a better place than it was before. For this single goal, I have been putting all my body, mind and soul into it. This is the single most important thing in my life for me. Thanks you all.

I don’t need easy, I just need possible. ~ Bethany Hamilton (Soul Surfer)

The Two Drops of Oil

by Paulo Coelho Published on February 4, 2010

A merchant sent his son to learn the Secret of Happiness from the wisest of men. The young man wandered through the desert for forty days until he reached a beautiful castle at the top of a mountain. There lived the sage that the young man was looking for.

However, instead of finding a holy man, our hero entered a room and saw a great deal of activity; merchants coming and going, people chatting in the corners, a small orchestra playing sweet melodies, and there was a table laden with the most delectable dishes of that part of the world.

The wise man talked to everybody, and the young man had to wait for two hours until it was time for his audience.

With considerable patience, the Sage listened attentively to the reason for the boy’s visit, but told him that at that moment he did not have the time to explain to him the Secret of Happiness.

He suggested that the young man take a stroll around his palace and come back in two hours’ time.

“However, I want to ask you a favor,” he added, handling the boy a teaspoon, in which he poured two drops of oil. “While you walk, carry this spoon and don’t let the oil spill.”

The young man began to climb up and down the palace staircases, always keeping his eyes fixed on the spoon. At the end of two hours he returned to the presence of the wise man.

“So,” asked the sage, “did you see the Persian tapestries hanging in my dining room? Did you see the garden that the Master of Gardeners took ten years to create? Did you notice the beautiful parchments in my library?”

Embarrassed, the young man confessed that he had seen nothing. His only concern was not to spill the drops of oil that the wise man had entrusted to him.

“So, go back and see the wonders of my world,” said the wise man. “You can’t trust a man if you don’t know his house.”

Now more at ease, the young man took the spoon and strolled again through the palace, this time paying attention to all the works of art that hung from the ceiling and walls. He saw the gardens, the mountains all around the palace, the delicacy of the flowers, the taste with which each work of art was placed in its niche. Returning to the sage, he reported in detail all that he had seen.

“But where are the two drops of oil that I entrusted to you?” asked the sage.

Looking down at the spoon, the young man realized that he had spilled the oil.

“Well, that is the only advice I have to give you,” said the sage of sages. “The Secret of Happiness lies in looking at all the wonders of the world and never forgetting the two drops of oil in the spoon.”

from the book “The Alchemist”

http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2010/02/04/the-two-drops-of-oil-2/

Couples’ Sleeping Position

http://rachellilyquist.blogspot.com/2010/09/more-positions-cuuuute.html

http://www.pattiwood.net/uploads/sleep_position-relationship.pdf

Paulo Coelho’s 1 min Series: Buying Time

(the story below was a comment in “The fisherman and the businessman” by Benseddik. I liked it so much that I decided to post it in the main page)

A man came home from work late again, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year-old son waiting for him at the door.
“Daddy, may I ask you a question?”
“Yeah, sure, what is it?” replied the man.
“Daddy, how much money do you make an hour?
“That’s none of your business! What makes you ask such a thing?” the man said angrily.

“I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?” pleaded the little boy.
“If you must know, I make $20.00 an hour.”
“Oh,” the little boy replied, head bowed. Looking up, he said, “Daddy, may I borrow $10.00 please?”

The father was furious. “If the only reason you wanted to know how much money I make is just so you can borrow some to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. I work long, hard hours everyday and don’t have time for such childish games.”
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and started to get even madder about the little boy’s questioning. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think he may have been a little hard on his son. Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $10.00, and he really didn’t ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy’s room and opened the door.
“Are you asleep son?” he asked.
“No daddy, I’m awake,” replied the boy.

“I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier,” said the man. “It’s been a long day and I took my aggravation out on you. Here’s that $10.00 you asked for.”
The little boy sat straight up, beaming. “Oh, thank you daddy!” he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow, he pulled out some more crumpled up bills.
The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at the man.

“Why did you want more money if you already had some?” the father grumbled.
“Because I didn’t have enough, but now I do,” the little boy replied.

“Daddy, I have $20.00 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?”

http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2010/09/11/buying-time/

 

Paulo Coelho’s 1min Series: The fisherman and the businessman

There was once a businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Brazilian village.
As he sat, he saw a Brazilian fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore having caught quite few big fish.
The businessman was impressed and asked the fisherman, “How long does it take you to catch so many fish?”
The fisherman replied, “Oh, just a short while.”
“Then why don’t you stay longer at sea and catch even more?” The businessman was astonished.
“This is enough to feed my whole family,” the fisherman said.
The businessman then asked, “So, what do you do for the rest of the day?”
The fisherman replied, “Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fish, then go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I take a nap with my wife, and evening comes, I join my buddies in the village for a drink — we play guitar, sing and dance throughout the night.”

The businessman offered a suggestion to the fisherman.
“I am a PhD in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you should spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible. When you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish. Soon you will be able to afford to buy more boats, set up your own company, your own production plant for canned food and distribution network. By then, you will have moved out of this village and to Sao Paulo, where you can set up HQ to manage your other branches.”

The fisherman continues, “And after that?”
The businessman laughs heartily, “After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, and you will be rich.”
The fisherman asks, “And after that?”
The businessman says, “After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning, catch a few fish, then return home to play with kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!”
The fisherman was puzzled, “Isn’t that what I am doing now?”

classic Brazilian story, probably also present in other cultures. Someone found the English version, but I could not identify the translator

http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2010/09/08/the-fisherman-and-the-businessman/